THW Golf Headlines

Monday, May 12, 2014

MacTHW Unable to Defend Title At Players, A New Star Emerges

by MacTHW

MacTHW gets set to defend his championship title at this year’s THW Players Championship. Unfortunately for him, the field this year is a lot more crowded, filled with the most contenders ever in THW Golf history. An unprecedented ten players would step up to the tee box on opening day but alas, not all of them would complete the four rounds required to lay claim to the crown at TPC Sawgrass. Along the way, protests were filed, including protests that protested the filing of additional protests. Will the fan favorite, The People’s Champ, be able to fend off the Vegas favorite, brandyyy? And speaking of Vegas, when exactly will binkdog announce he’s played himself right out of the tournament? Please see your THW Bookie for up-to-the-minute betting odds. Will Wirenut keep his number one golfer ranking? Who will emerge victorious in the hotly contested battle for the caboose? These questions and more may or may not be answered shortly, but nonetheless, these are your headlines for the tournament championship weekend.

The normal THW Golf crew along with the recent newcomers Wirenut, brandyyy and Starliner met up at the first tee box for the start of the THW Players Championship on Friday evening. Also there was a late addition to the player roster, as our old friend—Wii veteran and semi-retired PS Move golfer IWGCJoeCool, announced his intentions to join the fray. The ‘Marlin was eager to get started, already having downed a cup or two of morning tea. Starliner, too, was ready to get this bus rolling. Ranking points and Housewares Cup points are up for grabs. Should Wirenut win, he will create a comfortable lead for himslef atop the leaderboard. If he doesn’t, his spot at the top will be in jeopardy as the other players close in. All that was needed was an official call to get the tournament started.
 
Round One!

(cue enderdog)
...
zzz
chirp, chirp

fight

Round one is officially underway and the ‘Marlin and Starliner waste no time clawing their way to the top of the leaderboard. The leaderboard is usually quite volatile in the early holes of the first round and today would be no exception as players jockey for position. binkdog, Wirenut, the ‘Marlin and Starliner all lead at some point but by the time the 6th hole is played, it’s AshTHW who leads the peleton! AshTHW’s lead lasts two holes as the rest of the group pounces upon the leader like a hungry pack of hyenas. No longer the leader but still in the hunt, AshTHW is amongst four golfers tied for second place as they round the turn. The ‘Marlin and IWGCJoeCool break away into their own group, leaving the others to chase them down. AshTHW, brandyyy and Ace must have accidentally purchased tickets to Bogeyville, as they fall back from the main chase group. The ‘Marlin continues to press forward and crosses the finish line ahead of IWGCJoeCool, MacTHW and binkdog. The ‘Marlin wins round one and briefly enjoys a four stroke lead. MacTHW sits in third, two places ahead of his frenemy binkdog.

All ten players return for the official Round Two, which kicks off with a still fairly lackluster “Fight” from enderdog. Perhaps his seventh place finish in round one has him less than enthusiastic. AshTHW is not able to repeat his fantastic start from the first round. This time it is Starliner who is pressing ahead full steam, firing on all cylinders. The ‘Marlin and IWGCJoeCool try their best to keep pace with the fast rolling Starliner, and although they themselves are playing a fantastic round, find themselves in Starliners’ rear-view mirror. Starliner makes it through the turn with a mere thirty-three strokes on the scorecard, a new THW Golf season record. The Starliner’s gas pedal remains stuck to the floor, shooting a nearly error-free second nine. He finshes round two an impressive fifteen strokes ahead of his nearest pursuer, IWGCJoeCool. The ‘Marlin trundles in sixteen strokes after Starliner. If one listens closely, a quiet mumble about a glitch-load can be heard across the TPC Sawgrass course. On the opposite end of the train, AshTHW makes an attempt to reclaim the caboose from Ace, who seems unwilling to let it go.

The Vegas odds-makers are starting to get worried, as their top pick, brandyyy, is missing amongst the top three after two rounds. Starliner claims the lead after his punch-in-face two under in round two, leaving the ‘Marlin and IWGCJoeCool to sort it out for second and third. The tournament continues on Moving Day, where many strange things have been known to happen.

Welcome to Moving Day! It is time for round three and enderdog is much more enthusiastic this time, bellowing his usual heart-felt “FIGHT!”. The Vegas odds-makers surely soiled their pants as the brandyyy fails to make it to the tee box on Saturday, earning a DNF. It is unknown how many bookies went into hiding, not able to pay out their betting losses. Another DNF strikes, and takes out third place IWGCJoeCool, who is not able to arrive at the tee box due to a horrible mis-communication that leaves only eight players remaining at the start of round three.

A renewed and recharged binkdog looks to be on the move as he charges down the front nine, finishing the 9th at one over par. The ‘Marlin and enderdog are four shots back looking to reel in the leader. binkdog slows his roll along the second nine as the ‘Marlin and Starliner start their charge to catch up with the leader. binkdog gives up four shots to the ‘Marlin but manages to retain some of the lead he built up along the first nine. binkdog survives the relentless pursuit and finishes the third round three shots ahead of the ‘Marlin and seven shots ahead of his frenemy MacTHW. With his win and the unfortunate DNFs from IWGCJoeCool and brandyyy, binkdog finds himself in third place after round three and a renewed hope for a shot at victory at the THW Players Championship.

The last round is here and it starts out at a furious pace as the top three players jockey for position. The chase pack attempts to slow down the leader by hurtling compliments at him, such as “You are playing really great, Starliner. Keep it up!”. Starliner ignores these un-sportsmanlike attempts to derail his train and signals to his opponents they are going to have to try much harder to detract him from his first THW Major tournament win after finishing out the 9th hole one shot ahead of both binkdog and the ‘Marlin. binkdog suffers from Excessive Bogey Syndrome as he starts along the second nine. Meanwhile, the ‘Marlin sticks to Starliner like super-glue but is not able to make up any shots on the tournament leader. Even though he could have rested along the back nine with victory nearly in the bag, Starliner slams the door and welds it shut permanently by shooting a two under along the back nine and winning the round with a 76 on the scorecard, while Ace manages to keep a tight grip on the caboose, locking out Ash, even as Ash makes multiple attempts to reclaim his railcar.

Congratulations to Starliner on winning his first THW tournament and a Major at that. Starliner easily dismisses the previous champion, MacTHW, who is unable to mount a successful defense of his 2013 championship. Starliner put up an impressive 70 during round two, which ties the THW Golf season record for lowest round. The next one to break that record will have to go sub-seventy, a tough task given the finicky nature of the Move and toughness of Simulation mode. Many thanks to all who participated. Ten players sets a new THW Golf participant record, even if only eight players manages to finish. Our leaderboard managed to keep up with ten players and functioned as designed, which makes the THW Golf I.T. Guy happy.

Again, thanks to everyone and we will see you on the links next weekend, which most likely will be dedicated to claiming the rest of the unclaimed course records.

Thursday, May 08, 2014

All Aboard For the 2014 THW Players Championship

by MacTHW

Your official invitation for the 2014 THW Players Championship is here. MacTHW is the defending champion, having won the 2013 tournament. This year’s field of contenders is expected to reach double digits—10 players altogether.

Holes 13 and 17 will be there to either crush or fulfill dreams. The signature 17th will be a tough one to play, especially if there is a strong head or tail wind.

Good luck players and here is your tournament poster.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Brandyyy Longshanks The Competition At The Housewares Invitational

by PointedMarlin

The Housewares Invitational held at TPC Louisiana was the most recent minor in the THW Calendar and, boy, was it a cracker. Nine players started the event, a THW record of its own, a few others were broken along the way.

These are your headlines for the The Housewares Invitational ..... FIGHT!

Round1

Starliner640 joins the gang in Teamspeak and opens up with a triple bogey, blaming nerves[]. Binkdog and Wirenut set the early pace shooting 8’s, the banter bus has arrived and is firing on all cylinders - usually a sign of Binkdog supremacy, you just can’t keep a chipper Bink down. Even Wirenut has the group in stitches. Again, a sign of confidence from the current THW Masters Champion. MacTHW, Starliner and Enderdog all sit a few back with Ash, Ace and Marlin bringing up the rear

Brandyyy over sleeps, joining the group on the back 9 but still posting a very respectable 11 over and Enderdog seeking a DNF, claims book club duties, so adopts the unusual approach of playing all 4 rounds in 1 night.

At the end of round 1 three shots separate 5 players and the contest is well on truly on.

Round 2

Buoyed buy his opening round, Binkdog taunts The Marlin with “What’s it like being the 5th ranked golfer?” and “So your playing in the second group”, but epically fails to realise that as it’s only the second round there are no ranked groupings and he is in fact still paired with The Marlin who isn’t going to take this lying down.

Ace, after matching Marlin for the first round, struggles through round 2 with Ash sitting comfortably in the caboose. He begins to chow down on the goodies provided by his adoring fans and provide the group with Bink-esque smack.

“Tweet!”, yells Ender and Marlin duly gives himself a bunch of fives as is customary in virtual golf land - Enderdog on a charge already?

But he’s not the only one to go low as Marlin, still raging from his 17 posts a 6 alongside Brandyyy to leapfrog up the leaderboard. Starliner gets the groups first “Macaw!” in what seems like an eternity but the trio of he, Mac and Wirenut all run in to difficulties and entering Moving Day the pack are all tightly bunched and the crowd goes to bed excited at the prospect of a thrilling finale.

Round 3

Moving Day is always eventful at Team Housewares and this one proves no exception with Brandyy nailing a Hole-In-One on the 17th en-route to a 1-over and effectively ends the event as a competition but when your opponent shoots lights out sometimes you just need to say “Well played, sir!” and hold your hands up.

Marlin and Mac both shoot a very respectable 7 and 6 over as the pack start to spread a little, Binkdog moves, but in a direction all to familiar to him - the wrong way.

Starliner and Wirenut both calypso collapso with scores of 18 and 26 over. You have to wonder if a glitch-load contributed to those rounds which only serves to afford Mac, Bink and Marlin a bit more leeway in the battle for second and third.

Round 4

Brandyyy proves that round 3 was no fluke by posting another beastly round of 2 over and with it takes the Team Housewares Invitational crown by scoring a 4 round TW14 sim low of +20.

An incredible effort!

Marlin and Binkdog battle it out for second and third place with The Marlin just edging it by one to claim valuable THW Cup Points.

Mac comes in 4th just a few strokes back with Enderdog finishing 5th. Starliner scores a +6 in round 4 to just miss out besting The Enderdog with Wirenut suffering a post Augusta hangover and Ace holding caboose duties at the Housewares Invitational.

Congratulations Brandyyy on your first win and great golf guys!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Wirenut Short-Circuits The ‘Marlin’s Hope At Winning 2nd THW Masters Championship

by MacTHW

Wirenut leads the pack heading into Round 3—Moving Day, with enderdog lurking nearby in second. Lurking elsewhere in a bush, is binkdog scoping out fourth place, slightly ahead of MacTHW who finds himself grounded near the back of the pack. But, it’s Moving Day and the players are amp’d to make their move. These are your positively charged headlines for the second half of the THW Masters tournament.

brandyyy returns on Moving Day looking to win himself a THW Masters Green Jacket. Wirenut aims to keep his lead and starts out round 3 in the same manner as he left off in round 2. PointedMarlin gets a bit cranky as he falls slightly behind the two leaders. Meanwhile, enderdog completely melts down, struggling with his worst round of the tournament. Ash, Ace, bink, nor MacTHW can make up any ground as the leaders press on. The ‘Marlin blows his fuse along the back nine, lamenting the farce of him dropping to third place, while Ash forcibly removes Ace from the caboose turning in a record high 75 for just the back nine. brandyyy on the other hand, turns in a stellar score of 38 for the back nine, besting Wirenut by two strokes overall. brandyyy takes round 3 and the record for the Augusta Saturday course.

The players are definitely feeling the pressure of the tournament. Ash bails and takes a DNF. Others are cranky and on the verge of accepting a DNF themselves. Can Wirenut keep the lead and fend off a charging brandyyy or fuming ‘Marlin?

Ace reluctantly resumes caboose duties with Ash dropping out of the tournament. brandyyy once again surges to the front of the pack with ender keeping pace in hopes of an electrifying comeback. brandyyy, enderdog, ‘Marlin, and Wirenut are the lead peleton while binkdog, Mac and Ace are the chase group. This causes binkdog finally concede along the back nine that he may have played himself out of the tournament. The pack of four breaks down to a pack of three as enderdog’s circuit overloads, tripping all the breakers and going off the grid. Likewise, binkdog gets a case of the I Don’t Care’s, only caring if he turns in a better score than MacTHW. The top three battle it out along the back nine but no one can cut significantly into Wirenut’s lead. brandyyy wins the final round of the THW Masters but can not overcome the deficit from the first two rounds. The ‘Marlin also can not gain ground, remaining six strokes back from the leader after round four.

Congratulations to Wirenut on his very first THW tournament win. And his first green jacket as well. Wirenut played calm and steady through all four rounds and kept his game from going off the rails. The ‘Marlin makes a valiant defense of his 2013 championship but unfortunately comes up six strokes short. brandyyy makes a splash on the THW scene, taking third place. enderdog comes in fourth while, thanks to binkdog’s CrankyPants moments, MacTHW sneaks into fifth place. binkdog comes in sixth and Ace, who totally owned that caboose, came in seventh.

The THW Masters had eight competitors this year, the most we’ve ever had in this grueling tournament. Thanks to everyone who took part! Also, we can’t wait for the green jacket presentation. The PointedMarlin had better book a flight to the USA so he can properly present the prize to Wirenut.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

2014 THW Masters Headlines: Day 1

by PointedMarlin

As the American National Anthem fades & Jim Cranky Natz announces former Masters Champion MacTHW’s arrival at the First Tee the THW Masters TW14 v1.2 is officially underway - Fight!

Round 1

The Team Housewares first Major of the new season is upon us and Marlin looks set to defend his title after winning the first minor of the year but it’s Wirenut that lays down the low numbers early on. The Pelaton is tightly packed at the end of the front 9 sans Wirenut who is either cheating or sober - which for Wirenut is effectively cheating. Brandyyy joins The Housewares group and fits right in grabbing the lead for a hole whilst a Ash & Ace begin the battle for the caboose & champion Smack Talker

As the group reach Amen Corner, Rae’s Creek picks off victims one by one and everyone but Wirenut is now staring down the barrel of a double digit nightmare. Wirenut is most definitely sober

At the end of round 1 it’s not Binkdog that’s playing himself out of the tournament but Wirenut and he’s playing everyone else out of it, a +6 round sees Wirenut hold a 10 stroke lead over Enderdog and PointedMarlin heading in to round 2

Round 2

Ace wants to have it recorded that he led the Masters at the start of round 1 as being the first one in Teamspeak and picking the name Ace means that both in terms of time and alphabetically he deserves a Green Jacket.

Both Enderdog and Marlin try to come up with ways to distract Wirenut and due to trying a number of devious tactics, Wirenut does infact see a turnaround in fortune however the sheer volume of skulduggery means the exact method remains unknown, in all honesty it could have been the 15 minutes it took Binkdog to set the game.

MacTHW and Marlin both lay down pars for the first few holes and Wirenut begins to falter, is the pressure of leading a Major getting to ‘Ol Sparky? Ender appears to have a glitch load and like The Marlin on Round 1, can’t putt worth a dime smashing everything.

As Round 2 develops a three tier pattern starts to emerge, Wirenut clinging to his lead with Marlin and Enderdog on the charge, Brandyyy, Binkdog and MacTHW sit 10-15 strokes back from Enderdog. Ash and Ace share a beer or several in the caboose.

At the end of Round 2 Wirenut leads The Masters heading into Moving Day .... join us tomorrow to see if Wirenut can replicate Marlin’s performance from the 2013/14 season and bag his first tournament win at the Hallowed Ground, if Marlin can retain his crown summoning up the Spirit of Sir Nick or Ender can finally win at Augusta

Mac, Binkdog and Brandyy need a stellar round to get themselves back in contention but this years Masters is the closest tournament THW has seen in a while